If I looked through my posts, there's probably a similar topic, but I feel it can be brought up again.
In the past year or so, I've had relatives that, let's say, aren't exactly getting along. For the past couple months, my family, and others, have been trying to help wherever we can. Unfortunately, situations are not improving, despite trying to help.
On occasion, I reflect on how things would be if I had full use of my body. In times like these, I believe I would be helping as well. I see myself playing taxi whenever possible and lending a hand as well. However, that's thinking from my current perspective, with my present life's experiences. In reality, I don't know where I would be working, living, or anything of the sort. With my knowledge of this life, I have not been perfect, by any means.
Just over a year ago, when I actually started this blog, I wanted too very much be done with this life. I allowed temptation and incorrect thinking to take over my mind. I went as far as contacting doctors and lawyers to work on getting my trach, my only source of breathing at that time, removed. Plans were drawn up and I was very happy to see an end to life in site.
Fortunately, the Lord brought me back to perspective, to look at the life He has given me, and why it should continue. In the year since, this has been shown again and again, along with brief thoughts about why did I stop. Now, being on the outside and looking in, I know both sides of the fence, how thinking can get clouded into wrong directions seeming right.
Tomorrow will be the 20th day of 2011; with a busy and topsy-turvey year thus far, I wonder what is in store for the next 11 months.