Saturday, February 26, 2011

Laziness, or Lack of Ambition

Okay, I admit that the title is saying the same thing twice, but the one sounds so much better than the other. In any case, I think it describes me way too much lately.

A friend gave me her blog link yesterday and I've started reading through it. Some weeks have six entries in them while others have less, but it looks like at least a couple a week. I'm not saying I'll never to get to that regular of writing, my lack of skills could use it, but it is quite an achievement to get to.

Yesterday was a fun night for young adults at church. I had been told there was one activity I could do, and that's the exact amount I did. There were others that I could have done, but didn't feel like trying. I'm not sure why, but I stayed my usual self and stayed on the sidelines watching everyone else. After activities were concluded, the pastor and I talked briefly about a discussion going on in our denomination.

One of the Christian colleges we support has two professors that are being quite vocal in saying they don't believe the early parts of Genesis. My pastor doesn't agree as far as these profs have gone, but he really doesn't see the point in believing Genesis as written or some of the other views. Two years ago, this is what I had extensive teaching in. I know the possible consequences and how to refute thinking against.

Unfortunately, I was typical Joel and didn't put up a defense. I'm a Christian, I love the Lord, have studied His word extensively and have helped others do the same. I have prayed for opportunity to use the knowledge He has given me, but when the time comes, I sit like a non-moving bump on an expensive log.

Take today for example, it's two days away from the last business day of the month. I could be preparing bills, working on loose ends on a few projects, and several other things. What have I done? Play games, chat via text, and read a blog. Other than adding church, tomorrow will be the same, but at least it's the day of rest.

I'm taking way too many days and hours of rest lately. At this point, breaking that habit is going to be very difficult and unclear how to start. I have been given knowledge on many subjects, but I can't get enough will to actively use it. Starting Monday, I need to make every hour, every minute, of each one I'm given to be used in a productive manner. I fear that if I don't begin, I will continue down a self-destructive road of letting opportunity pass that I cannot afford to lose.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Tasting the Future

No, I did not eat my watch. Today, I got a phone call that isn't so unusual, but ended with a reminder of our human frailties.

Earlier this week, my primary night nurse started having major trouble with a leg injury. Today, the scheduler from the nursing agency called that she is in the hospital and will be gone for at least a week. Tonight, in about an hour, my two night a week person is scheduled to train someone from another agency to help fill the shifts. Right now, how many, if any, will be covered is uncertain. Unfortunately, this isn't new, but comments were.

When my dad was out helping my aunt, mom commented that she didn't know how much longer they could do this. Tomorrow, Friday, she and dad were planning to take a much needed two-day vacation, but that is now unlikely. With unseasonably high temperatures this week in mid-February, a mini getaway was welcome, and relief from never-ending stress at dad's work.

Mom's statement says what I feel though, my parents are in their mid fifties, and most of my nurses are at that age and above. Two especially, more likely three, of my four regular assistants are also not in great health. When my parents should be looking toward retirement, they are instead not seeing an end, or change, in the future to current levels of need.

As I have heard at least twice this week, and as my title says, I need to learn to rely on God more, and know He has a plan. In looking ahead, I cannot see a positive future, but in looking back, that has been the case before. In time, that plan will come into light, just waiting for it in uncertain times is the hardest part.

In other news, I'm doing well with the DPS system. Last week, both units alarmed low battery one day after the other, so we're doing well on keeping them even. Last Friday, I sent one unit in to have its output increased, it was returned today. Dad hooked me up to it before supper, going directly from one unit to the other.

It definitely has an increased jolt, and I like the breath I was taking. It was much fuller, larger, and more like I expected. For a few minutes, I started to get lite-headed, but since we were eating, I didn't want to interrupt to check my O2. After about three hours on the increased jolt unit, six hours pacing, I went back on the vent.

Yes, the vent is completely different than the DPS, but I was well aware of how much less air I was getting. I will give a few days testing before I send in the smaller jolt unit to be changed, but I am impressed with the quality of breathing. God allowed me to experience this new way of breathing and has allowed it to go very well, maybe it's more of the future He has for me than I know.